This sounds like a job for artificial intelligence! Alexa, tell me a joke about Las Vegas. “Why did the chef go to Las Vegas? He wanted to whisk it all.” Hmm. Your turn, ChatGPT — what’s your best joke about Las Vegas? “Why did the tomato turn down a trip to Las Vegas? Because it was trying to ketchup on its savings!"
OK, so we’ll go with humans. On a procedural note, I gotta say, once you filter out the jokes about prostitutes, large breasts, and how there are slot machines in grocery stores (“a carton of milk cost me $238!”), there are surprisingly few Vegas gags left. Here are some:
“I don’t get a break with nothin’. I joined Gambler’s Anonymous — they gave me 2-to-1 I don’t make it.” — Rodney Dangerfield
“You can get good deals in Vegas. Lots of the shows are 50% off. Last night I saw Teller.” — Mark Cohen, emcee at Comedy Cellar in the Rio
“My favorite thing about Vegas is how everything is more than one thing. ‘Welcome to our restaurant/massage parlor/personal injury law firm. Thanks for coming to our DMV/doctor’s office/church. How can we help you?’” — Lindsay Glazer, comic
“Remember, when playing Keno you’re sitting in a multibillion-dollar property in front of a multimillion-dollar computer system, and you’ve got a crayon.” — Barry Friedman, comedian, author
“I went to a dentist in Las Vegas because I had a cavity. He wanted to wait until I had three in a row.” — Rita Rudner, comic
*Hey Las Vegas can’t guarantee everyone will find these jokes funny.
Have you heard better ones? Email them to me at the link below.
